So anyway. Let's start again, shall we?
I went for a smear test this afternoon*. It's the second one in six months as I had an abnormal** one last time. So there I was again, legs akimbo, staring at the ceiling with an anglepoise lamp illuminating my foofoo, trying to cheer the atmosphere up a bit. In my own inimitable style. You know. It went a little something like this:
Nurse: Lovely***. Now, I'm just going to introduce the speculum to your cervix.
Me: Oh. Ha ha! Like, speculum, cervix; cervix, speculum?
Nurse: ...............................
Yay me. Oh, and I got married. And I have dreadlocks again. And I lost loads of weight for the wedding and am now doing that slow-motion-ballon-inflating thing where I'm ever so gradually getting really fat again. Boo.
As you were.
* Look, I'm sorry. But I have to share these things.
** Abnormal? Me? Really, what are the chances? Ha.
*** Why do nurses always say "lovely" at the most inopportune moments?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Well, welcome back. Was wondering what happened to you.
And I'm sorry to hear about your girl bits. Friend of mine went through the same thing recently and turned out fine; i hope the same for you. It sucks being a girl, doesn't it.
you are funny :-)
so more please... what colour did your bridesmaids wear? Did you fight with your in-laws? Was too much drunk? Did you get a brazilian first?
i thought you'd given up blogging, very glad you didn't...
did you throw your bouquet?
er, I'm guessing if they said something less than, er, lovely, it might cause ... well, consequences?
It could all get very tense.
Congrats on marriage etc. details welcome. Speeches? Outrage? Hopefully.
Wish you all long and hale hearty happiness etc.
congratulations.
on the wedding *and* the smear test!
Congratulations Mr and Mrs Surly. Or should that be Mr and Mrs Other-Half. Oh well, congrats anyway.
And if we're all allowed to ask wedding questions, I'd like to know what the first dance was?
I always tell the nurse to warm the speculum up otherwise it's like being ****ed by an icicle. She wants to know if I speak from icicle experience (but she warmed it up as requested).
Yeah, I had abnormal one, and then the abnormal seemed to just go away. I think they had been playing 'smear snap' to enliven the long afternoons down the lab or something.
However my new Belgian gynae is quite something.
Age = 90+
Position in which he leaves you for 20 minutes while he looks down a microscope = take a guess
Number of times he coughs phlegmily (is that an adverb? is it? it should be) on your bits while fiddling unnervingly = 8 million.
Tell us about the wedding! Lots!
Post a Comment